Okay, so I guess I’m gonna keep writing this! If you are offended by religious irreverence, then please pass this one over!
Title: Reno Is God (2)
Rating: M (suggestive themes with potential for downright smuttiness)
Description: Freshly returned from the lifestream, Kadaj enjoys a sucker compliments of Tifa and informs Cloud that he has found God
Disclaimer: I don’t own shite, if you want to sue me, sue for my SIMS games–they’re the only things I have that are worth anything
This was meant to be amusing, take it as such!
2. Cloud is a Big Bully
“Just because you aren’t religious doesn’t mean that I’m not!” Kadaj scolded, pointing at Cloud with his sucker. “I’m not leaving Yazoo anyway, you bully.”
“Kadaj, it isn’t healthy for you to be in that environment!” Cloud insisted. “A boy your age shouldn’t be exposed to such…such…such lewdness.”
“Oh, Cloud, you’re such a fuddy-duddy,” Kadaj sighed, popping the sucker back in his mouth, closing the discussion as far as he was concerned.
“I swear, Kadaj, that if that Turk has so much as laid a finger on you—”
“It’s none of your business anyway,” Kadaj informed him, talking around the diminishing sucker. He rolled it on his tongue to rest in the pocket of his other cheek. “It doesn’t upset Yazoo or Loz, Nissan—I don’t see why it should upset you.”
“It upsets me because that whole situation is…” Cloud trailed off, searching for the right word to express his outraged shock and indignation. “Vulgar!”
“What’s vulgar?” Tifa asked, coming down the stairs in response to Cloud’s shout. She ruffled Kadaj’s hair affectionately, smiling when he butted against her hand like a content little cat. “You’re so cute, Kadaj!”
“That’s part of the problem,” Cloud said, bitter. “They can’t live with Reno, Tifa—he’s already managed to debauch Yazoo and now he has Kadaj thinking he’s god.”
“He is,” Kadaj chimed in, nodding sagely at Tifa, only to be scowled at by Cloud.
Tifa looked amused, a slight smile playing around her full lips.
“God, is it?” she mused, and laughed a little. “I always knew there was something about him—”
“Well there isn’t!” Cloud snapped, uncommonly out of sorts. Kadaj didn’t think he’d ever heard Cloud raise his voice before, and he’d certainly never seen him in such a state of agitation. “Kadaj thinks that going into Reno’s bedroom is the equivalent of worship—”
“It works for Yazoo,” Kadaj said.
“—and personally I think it’s disgraceful!” Cloud finished, affronted. “He’s just a child, he shouldn’t have to be fending off a lecherous man.”
“I’m not fending off anyone,” Kadaj protested. “Yazoo won’t let me in their bedroom because he says Reno might ignore him. I went in there once when Reno asked me to take a shower with him, but Yazoo caught me and told me that if he ever saw me anywhere near the bedroom again he was going to cut my hair while I was sleeping.”
Tifa arched an eyebrow, impressed.
“Like anything is worth cutting my hair!” Kadaj sighed, lovingly touching his silver locks. He tossed the soggy sucker stick into the garbage and stood, saying, “Bye, then! They’re probably done by now anyway.”
“Tifa, we can’t leave him there!” Cloud protested, clearly bothered by the idea.
“Oh, Cloud, don’t be so overbearing,” the woman said, waving away his fears. “Kadaj has lasted this long, hasn’t he? You already absolved yourself of any responsibility where they’re concerned, so it really isn’t any of your business how Reno deals with them.”
Cloud gave her a disbelieving stare, sure that some alien had possessed Tifa’s body and overthrown the caring, concerned woman he knew.
“All I’m saying is that Kadaj is an adult, Cloud, however little you like it,” she gently explained. “He can do what he wants with who he wants.”
“That’s right!” Kadaj agreed, and bounced towards the door, calling back with a cheery wave, “Bye-bye! See you later!”
Kadaj skipped home, too delighted by the beautiful day to do anything so monotonous as just walk. It wasn’t far to the apartment he and his brothers shared with Reno, and he made it back within fifteen minutes—and that was even counting the time he spent returning fascinated smiles and flirting a little. It felt good to flirt, to know that people thought he was beautiful, to realize that others noticed how nice he kept his hair and how well he dressed. Reno had taken them all shopping not long ago, letting them buy whatever they wanted because, as he’d said, it was, “Rufus Shinra’s dime, yo. And he’s got tons to spare.”
Several people passed him on bicycles and the contraptions fascinated the boy. They looked fun! Deciding that he wanted one, he fished out his key and let himself into Reno’s apartment.
“Are you done?” he yelled, wondering where Loz was. Mr. Rufus Mother-Hater Shinra kept trying to get Loz to come work for him, but the big man collapsed into frantic tears at the thought of leaving the sheltering apartment—it would seem he got over it, he was nowhere around when Kadaj made his way into the cool, dim interior.
“Hey, Princess, where’ve you been?” Reno yelled back.
Kadaj didn’t like being called a woman’s affectionate nickname, but Reno always forgot his name, so it just kinda wound up sticking—even Yazoo and Loz had started to call him ‘Princess.’ It made Kadaj impatient, but how angry could one really get at god?
“Seventh Heaven!” he said, wriggle-dancing his way into the living room. “Where’s Loz?”
“Boss came and collected him,” Reno told him, emerging from the Forbidden Room still toweling his wild red hair. “Yazoo went with him in case he had a meltdown—your lug-head brother sure is a weird one, yo.”
“He’s very delicate,” Kadaj solemnly said, somberly thinking of poor Loz and all of his insecurities. Brightening, he said, “I want a bike!”
“Yeah? I want a million gil,” Reno told him, tossing the towel at his head and heading for the kitchen for his coffee. Yazoo always kept the coffee pot full. Besides alcohol, it was the only thing Reno ever drank.
“No, really!” Kadaj said, trailing him, idly dropping the wet towel on the floor. It was a habit of his, following Reno or his brothers around the house, asking endless questions until someone pelted him with a pillow or groped his bottom until he got fed up with it. Reno looked at him as if he’d like to grope his bottom, but one hand had a coffee mug and the other had a cigarette and both of those things were more pressing at the moment. “I want a bike!”
“What do I get out of it?” Reno snorted, gulping his coffee.
Kadaj cocked his head and sweetly asked, “If I pray for it, will I get it?”
Reno shrugged, confused, and said, “Yeah, sure you will, yo. Whatever.”
Kadaj clapped, delighted, and spun a quick, breathless circle in place, giggling as the world swam dizzily.
Reno was smiling at him, amused by his happiness. Whatever Cloud thought, Kadaj knew Reno loved them…even if it was a weird kind of touchy-love and not at all like brother-love…which was getting kinda mixed up since they moved in with him.
Deciding to take the plunge, Kadaj took a deep breath and gave Reno the Big Eyes, asking, “Reno, are you god?”
The man’s expression grew crafty and he answered, “If I say yes will you let me fuck you?”
Kadaj laughed a little and said, “I don’t think I understand what that means!”
Reno’s grin turned predatory and in a coaxing voice he said, “Come here and I’ll show you.”
Suspicious, Kadaj asked, “Does it involve you and Yazoo’s bedroom?”
“It doesn’t have to,” Reno answered. “It works anywhere, yo.”
“Does it usually involve your bedroom?” Kadaj amended.
Reno’s gaze turned thoughtful and he said, “Sometimes, yeah.”
“Will it make Yazoo upset?”
“Probably, but he’s sensitive, yo.”
“Then, no,” Kadaj told him. “Yazoo said he’d cut off my hair while I was sleeping! He thinks you’ll start ignoring him.”
Reno laughed at him and told him with a cocky leer, “Princess, if I’m god, I can keep my baby from cutting off your hair, yo. Ignored, huh? Fuck, he should know better by now…”
“It does sound like you have an awful lot of fun worshipping,” Kadaj said, wistful.
“You gotta try it to know,” Reno pressed, his grin infectious. Kadaj, always rather spontaneous, responded with his own happy grin and giggled again, just happy to be alive and freed of Mother’s pressing demands.
“You grin at me all adorable and wonder why I wanna ride you through the headboard, yo,” Reno teased, downing his coffee. “Come on, let’s do this, Princess. Yazoo can join us when he gets back.”
“What about Loz?” Kadaj asked, concerned. He didn’t mind it when Reno grabbed his wrist—he was used to being handled by him, and even allowed himself to be coaxed into certain things that left him all tingly and flushed…like the time Reno pinned him in the foyer while Yazoo was making dinner and slipped Kadaj’s hand down his pants. That had been fun, though Kadaj didn’t really understand what he’d done. He’d touched himself the same way later that night but the resulting strong reaction had rather shocked him and he’d run crying to Yazoo, who’d slapped Reno, who’d retaliated by hauling Yazoo over his knees and spanking him hard, and they’d wound up worshipping again while Loz comforted Kadaj and told him not to worry, he was just growing up.
“Loz ain’t coming back again, Princess,” Reno said, stubbing out his cigarette. “He finally agreed to go work for old Rufus and now he’s got a place down the street. He wanted to take you with him, yo, but he had other ships to pass in the night.”
“Loz went sailing?!” Kadaj gasped, utterly ecstatic at the prospect. “Oh, I want to go!”
“Yeah, sure, whatever, we’ll go sailing,” Reno told him, and headed for the bedroom with Kadaj in tow.
“Are we going to worship now?” Kadaj questioned, heart thrumming to finally be let in on their secret.
“You bet,” Reno told him, tossing a wink over his shoulder. “Where’d you get this worshipping stuff anyway, Princess?”
“From Yazoo,” Kadaj told him, following him willingly enough. “Because he’s always screaming, ‘Oh my god!’ at the top of his lungs when he’s in here.”
“Is he?” Reno asked, opening the door and pulling him inside. He closed it with a bang but he didn’t lock it. When he smiled at Kadaj the boy smiled back, excited and delighted and strangely breathless. “Guess it’s your turn, now, Princess.”